"it" just moved
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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