By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
