I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
