You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
