K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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