So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
