Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
