True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
