You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
