My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
