Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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