She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
