everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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