Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
