dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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