Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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