at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
