i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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