I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i think i just lost a toe
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
