Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
