but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
