On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
