I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
