just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
