what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
