Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
