I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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