so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
