You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
where are my eyebrows?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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