I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm too high and old for this...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
