You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
