I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
