I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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