It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
