i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
