i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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