She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
