What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
