Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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