My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
