dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
