you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
