Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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