So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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