I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
