just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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