im having a threesome with these popsicles
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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