Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
