THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
