yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
