Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
