I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
