i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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