Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
