paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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