Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
